Jan 7, 2012

Gnomeknaping: Or How I Extort Delicious Treats From My Friends

Back before Travelocity ripped off my idea for gnome travel (you're welcome, Travelocity. I'll take royalties in the form of free airfare for life), I decided it would be brilliant to borrow (steal) our friends garden gnome and take it with me to Alaska. Gnomey was my carry-on luggage, and spent a glorious four months exploring the Alaskan wild, living in tents and gardens, and starring in many photographs. It turned out that while I was galavanting around Alaska, the people of Benbrook were up in arms about the great gnome theft. It was the mystery of the summer- who took the gnome? What kind of crazy person would do such a thing? I returned Gnomey safe and sound, complete with a photo album of his adventures. And subsequently was added to the list of Benbrook's Most Notorious Gnomeknappers. Thanks MNN.

That same winter, I took Gnomey on a stay-cation, touring the DFW area including Christmas displays and NYE parties. Funnily enough, Gnomey's owners didn't suspect me in the least. Again, he was safely returned complete with photos documenting his adventure. Later on, Gnomey and his family started giving me gnome gifts, including, but not limited to: Gnome pajama pants and a book on the magic of gnomes. Not long after this, Gnomey died a horrible death at the hands of a gnomeknapping amateur. Oh the horror! This was not the end of gnome shenanigans, however due to the lack of gnomes to knap, I laid low for a while. Over the next several years, Gnomey's family began acquiring gnomes as gifts ( I may have caused them to become the "gnome family" of Benbrook)- enter, Amanda.

During my trip to Texas for the 2011 holiday season, I decided it had been far too long since I had committed any gnome crimes. There were four gnomes that I knew of, living on the perimeter of the garden. All easily accessible and easy to quickly escape with. One night, before the gnome family would realize I was back in town, I recruited my two faithful accomplices (J&K) and we went for it.

All four gnomes were swiftly obtained, mouths taped shut, and tied up with rope. We proceeded to take them around Benbrook for ransom photos. Once back at home, we drafted a notice of gnomeknapping and taped it to their front door (ding-dong-ditch style). Since the gnome family did not have my phone number, I sent the photo of the tied up gnomes and we waited for contact. The exchange took place at our secret undisclosed location, and was quite hilarious. 

Gnomesknapped: 4
Ransom: One dozen delicious cookies, and a candy cane
Success: Yes

And that, is how you extort delicious treats from your friends.