Gnomeknaping: Or How I Extort Delicious Treats From My Friends

Back before Travelocity ripped off my idea for gnome travel (you're welcome, Travelocity. I'll take royalties in the form of free airfare for life), I decided it would be brilliant to borrow (steal) our friends garden gnome and take it with me to Alaska. Gnomey was my carry-on luggage, and spent a glorious four months exploring the Alaskan wild, living in tents and gardens, and starring in many photographs. It turned out that while I was galavanting around Alaska, the people of Benbrook were up in arms about the great gnome theft. It was the mystery of the summer- who took the gnome? What kind of crazy person would do such a thing? I returned Gnomey safe and sound, complete with a photo album of his adventures. And subsequently was added to the list of Benbrook's Most Notorious Gnomeknappers. Thanks MNN.

That same winter, I took Gnomey on a stay-cation, touring the DFW area including Christmas displays and NYE parties. Funnily enough, Gnomey's owners didn't suspect me in the least. Again, he was safely returned complete with photos documenting his adventure. Later on, Gnomey and his family started giving me gnome gifts, including, but not limited to: Gnome pajama pants and a book on the magic of gnomes. Not long after this, Gnomey died a horrible death at the hands of a gnomeknapping amateur. Oh the horror! This was not the end of gnome shenanigans, however due to the lack of gnomes to knap, I laid low for a while. Over the next several years, Gnomey's family began acquiring gnomes as gifts ( I may have caused them to become the "gnome family" of Benbrook)- enter, Amanda.

During my trip to Texas for the 2011 holiday season, I decided it had been far too long since I had committed any gnome crimes. There were four gnomes that I knew of, living on the perimeter of the garden. All easily accessible and easy to quickly escape with. One night, before the gnome family would realize I was back in town, I recruited my two faithful accomplices (J&K) and we went for it.

All four gnomes were swiftly obtained, mouths taped shut, and tied up with rope. We proceeded to take them around Benbrook for ransom photos. Once back at home, we drafted a notice of gnomeknapping and taped it to their front door (ding-dong-ditch style). Since the gnome family did not have my phone number, I sent the photo of the tied up gnomes and we waited for contact. The exchange took place at our secret undisclosed location, and was quite hilarious. 

Gnomesknapped: 4

Ransom: One dozen delicious cookies, and a candy cane

Success: Yes

And that, is how you extort delicious treats from your friends.

Things I Was Doing Instead of Updating This Blog

So over the past few months I’ve been a MAJOR Slacker (salute) and have completely ignored this fantastic (if I do say so myself) blog. However, I do have a good excuse.

Well maybe not, but I have been crossing things off my DC Bucket List! And here’s an update:

• Hiked Billy Goat A (and a few of the other trails in Great Falls) and survived. Also, had a blast. I love scrambling rocks and hopping around like a billy goat, and even enjoyed the traverse. Side note: more recently at work I’ve designed up some safety signs the aforementioned trail.
• Went on a bit of a photo walk along the National Mall and was able to get some decent shots! I could spend hours contemplating life there. I could (read: have) also spend hours yelling in the direction of Congress for being stupid.
• I had planned on actually going up IN the Washington Monument and knocking that off my list, but a little earthquake in August knocked the Monument around instead, so now it’s closed indefinitely.
• In October I made a trip home for one of my long time best friends wedding, which was fabulous. Also got to make my Texas State Fair pilgrimage that included the mandatory corny dog and deep fried deliciousness.
• One of my amazing friends out here hired me to take her engagement photos. We spent the day in DC taking shots all over the city, had lunch at the Old Ebbitt Grill, saw the Warhol ‘Shadows’ exhibit at the Hirshhorn, and ended the day seeing Dawes at the Black Cat. Definitely one of the most fun days of the fall.
• In early November my work people went biking along the Canal and we stayed in one of the historic lockhouses, which was pretty great. Definitely should have been biking that thing all summer, it was super fun.

And now, some photos:

In Which I Hop a Last Minute Flight to Texas

Twas the day before Thanksgiving and all through the office, 

Not a federal employee was stirring, not even a mouse;

The doors were all shut, lights turned off with care,

In hopes that they would not have to be there;

I was all nestled in my cubicle working hard,

Visions of home dancing in my head, I had to get back, it shouldn't be that hard;

Flights were expensive, I was wrong,

and the drive was too long;

Suddenly my friend arose such a clatter,

and used frequent flyer miles to bring me home for some laughter;

I sprang free from my office and went straight for the airport,

Flew three hours home, which doesn't seem that short;

I arrived on the doorstep at ten-thirty on the dot,

Rang the bell and surprised my parents, they were quite shocked!;

Twas a good trip home,

One for the books;

Glad to see my family and friends,

Happy Holidays to all and to all a goodnight!