Gnomeknaping: Or How I Extort Delicious Treats From My Friends

Back before Travelocity ripped off my idea for gnome travel (you're welcome, Travelocity. I'll take royalties in the form of free airfare for life), I decided it would be brilliant to borrow (steal) our friends garden gnome and take it with me to Alaska. Gnomey was my carry-on luggage, and spent a glorious four months exploring the Alaskan wild, living in tents and gardens, and starring in many photographs. It turned out that while I was galavanting around Alaska, the people of Benbrook were up in arms about the great gnome theft. It was the mystery of the summer- who took the gnome? What kind of crazy person would do such a thing? I returned Gnomey safe and sound, complete with a photo album of his adventures. And subsequently was added to the list of Benbrook's Most Notorious Gnomeknappers. Thanks MNN.

That same winter, I took Gnomey on a stay-cation, touring the DFW area including Christmas displays and NYE parties. Funnily enough, Gnomey's owners didn't suspect me in the least. Again, he was safely returned complete with photos documenting his adventure. Later on, Gnomey and his family started giving me gnome gifts, including, but not limited to: Gnome pajama pants and a book on the magic of gnomes. Not long after this, Gnomey died a horrible death at the hands of a gnomeknapping amateur. Oh the horror! This was not the end of gnome shenanigans, however due to the lack of gnomes to knap, I laid low for a while. Over the next several years, Gnomey's family began acquiring gnomes as gifts ( I may have caused them to become the "gnome family" of Benbrook)- enter, Amanda.

During my trip to Texas for the 2011 holiday season, I decided it had been far too long since I had committed any gnome crimes. There were four gnomes that I knew of, living on the perimeter of the garden. All easily accessible and easy to quickly escape with. One night, before the gnome family would realize I was back in town, I recruited my two faithful accomplices (J&K) and we went for it.

All four gnomes were swiftly obtained, mouths taped shut, and tied up with rope. We proceeded to take them around Benbrook for ransom photos. Once back at home, we drafted a notice of gnomeknapping and taped it to their front door (ding-dong-ditch style). Since the gnome family did not have my phone number, I sent the photo of the tied up gnomes and we waited for contact. The exchange took place at our secret undisclosed location, and was quite hilarious. 

Gnomesknapped: 4

Ransom: One dozen delicious cookies, and a candy cane

Success: Yes

And that, is how you extort delicious treats from your friends.

Official Response from The MNN

The following is an email received this weekend from a founding MNN member in response to my last post:


Amanda,
Loved your blog! You, however, are only seeing this from your side of the fence, which is natural.  For a moment, stand in my shoes.
 
I have been in preschool PTA, Westpark PTA, ALA PTA, Western Hills PTSA, and a fan of countless soccer games, cross country meets, religious ed. classes at church, car pools, church choir driver, raised LOTS of money for all kinds of projects, bought cookies, candy bars, popcorn, candles, greeting cards, all to support kids stuff; for 23 years. 
 
AHHH!  I need a break!  I think I will move out of state!  Nobody knows me there!  No one will ask me to chair a committee or organize a fund raiser!  I can go to church and sing in the pew and not make a banner or head a ministry!  I can putz around in my yard, walk my dog, play loud music whenever I want, and not cook for the family and their friends!
 
So, what happens?  
 
My good friend tells me her daughter can't wait for me to get to Maryland so she can come visit me!  I say, but I will be several hours away.  My good friend says that her daughter tells her that she can be in 5 states within an hour!  
 
What to do?
 
The lesson here is that the apron strings are very long and very strong!  We all need family and friends.  
 
Yes, Amanda, you can visit us.  I hear you are going to visit Tom and Julie?  Guess you need to be in the kitchen of one of the Mom Squad for a while.  It's OK to admit you still need mothering.  We all do, just not in large doses, and not ALL the time.
 
Love,
 
Mama K


Oh, to walk a mile in the shoes of a MNN member- EXHAUSTING! Even the MNN needs a break now and again. Thanks for raising the neighborhood!
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” - Jack Handy

The MNN (Mom News Network)

Have you ever felt like you had more than one mom watching over you? Has the entire town you grew up in ever known all your business, maybe even before you did? Have you ever been pulled over by the police on the main road and before you can get home to tell your parents they already know? If you said yes to any of these then you may have been a target of the MNN.

The MNN is an elusive organization of mothers who have banned together to watch over everyone’s children. When you were a kid this meant someone kept a watchful eye over you and your friends playing in the street. It was the babysitting co-op where the moms babysat neighborhood kids in exchange for coupons they could use to get a babysitter in the future.  Did you get grounded at recess? Don’t worry about breaking the news to your parents- THEY ALREADY KNOW, but they will pretend they don’t to see if you say anything first. As we got older it was the same old thing, just bigger issues. Make-out with the cute guy behind the gym (and no one was around)? The MNN knows. Run that stop sign in Westpark? The MNN knows.  Fighting with the best friend? THE MNN KNOWS.*

I have been trying to escape the MNN for as long as I can remember. I now live 1,400 miles away and have successfully escaped.  Well, I thought I had escaped. One of the founding members of the MNN is moving to the very state where I currently reside and I GUARANTEE that my being twenty-six-years-old will make no difference to the MNN powers that be. Well it was a nice MNN-free six months.

*Disclaimer: The MNN isn’t ALL bad. It’s nice to have mom #2 to run to when you’re fighting with your own. Or to pick you up from soccer when you need a ride. Or to teach you how to use the fancy knives. Or to give you a job when you really need one. Or to help take care of you when you’re sick. Sometimes I don’t think I’d be the person I am today without such a fantastic MNN. But officially, I’m annoyed.