Shark Week, Fridge Queries, and 'RoidWeek

Shark Week 2012 was seriously disappointing this year. 

I know it's about ratings and extreme footage, but it used to be about learning too. And true conservation. Not this generic "oh hey we care about the environment" spiel thrown in at the end of an episode. I'm also bummed about how many cameras have been fed to the sharks over the last 25 years. Shark Week needs to step it up. Accept the challenge, Discovery.

Even though Shark Week was a bummer, I still cannot wait to get in the water and go diving with those amazing creatures. Maybe South Africa 2014??

So, now that I'm living back with my two BFF's and nearly unpacked, I decided to bring back Fridge Queries! Just check it out, you won't be disappointed. Like I was with Shark Week. 

Last week also happened to be 'roidweek 2012. If you know me even a little bit, you know I'm a big believer in film. I had a bunch of first run Color Shade PX70 from the Impossible Project that I wanted to experiment with. The images didn't turn out like any instant photos I'd seen before, and that's what's cool about it right? I love pushing the limits of film to see what happens. Even the awesome folks over at Impossible Project thought these were unique, and are sending me more packs of expired film to play with and report back the results!

COUNTDOWN: SHARK WEEK 2012

Top Ten Reasons Why Emily Schwarting Should Let Me Get A Bunny

1. They're adorable

I mean seriously, who doesn't love a cute little bunny face? People who are dead inside. That's who.

2. Lively

Bunnies like to play and are active. They promote a healthy lifestyle that will most definitely rub off on us.

3. Clean

Same kind of bathroom situation as our lovely kittens.

4. Loyal

Bodyguard. Bunny ain’t gonna let anyone mess with us.

5. Affectionate

We can hold it and squeeze it and love it forever.

6. Did I mention adorable?

7. Entertainment

Bunny vs. Kitten wars (it’s the hottest new reality show in the making).

8. Clever

Did you know we can make a maze for bunny and it will finish it in awesome record time? Because bunny is SMART.

9. Cuteness

10. Popularity

Everyone loves bunnies, which means everyone will love US. Duh.

coup de grâce

Gnomeknaping: Or How I Extort Delicious Treats From My Friends

Back before Travelocity ripped off my idea for gnome travel (you're welcome, Travelocity. I'll take royalties in the form of free airfare for life), I decided it would be brilliant to borrow (steal) our friends garden gnome and take it with me to Alaska. Gnomey was my carry-on luggage, and spent a glorious four months exploring the Alaskan wild, living in tents and gardens, and starring in many photographs. It turned out that while I was galavanting around Alaska, the people of Benbrook were up in arms about the great gnome theft. It was the mystery of the summer- who took the gnome? What kind of crazy person would do such a thing? I returned Gnomey safe and sound, complete with a photo album of his adventures. And subsequently was added to the list of Benbrook's Most Notorious Gnomeknappers. Thanks MNN.

That same winter, I took Gnomey on a stay-cation, touring the DFW area including Christmas displays and NYE parties. Funnily enough, Gnomey's owners didn't suspect me in the least. Again, he was safely returned complete with photos documenting his adventure. Later on, Gnomey and his family started giving me gnome gifts, including, but not limited to: Gnome pajama pants and a book on the magic of gnomes. Not long after this, Gnomey died a horrible death at the hands of a gnomeknapping amateur. Oh the horror! This was not the end of gnome shenanigans, however due to the lack of gnomes to knap, I laid low for a while. Over the next several years, Gnomey's family began acquiring gnomes as gifts ( I may have caused them to become the "gnome family" of Benbrook)- enter, Amanda.

During my trip to Texas for the 2011 holiday season, I decided it had been far too long since I had committed any gnome crimes. There were four gnomes that I knew of, living on the perimeter of the garden. All easily accessible and easy to quickly escape with. One night, before the gnome family would realize I was back in town, I recruited my two faithful accomplices (J&K) and we went for it.

All four gnomes were swiftly obtained, mouths taped shut, and tied up with rope. We proceeded to take them around Benbrook for ransom photos. Once back at home, we drafted a notice of gnomeknapping and taped it to their front door (ding-dong-ditch style). Since the gnome family did not have my phone number, I sent the photo of the tied up gnomes and we waited for contact. The exchange took place at our secret undisclosed location, and was quite hilarious. 

Gnomesknapped: 4

Ransom: One dozen delicious cookies, and a candy cane

Success: Yes

And that, is how you extort delicious treats from your friends.

Things I Was Doing Instead of Updating This Blog

So over the past few months I’ve been a MAJOR Slacker (salute) and have completely ignored this fantastic (if I do say so myself) blog. However, I do have a good excuse.

Well maybe not, but I have been crossing things off my DC Bucket List! And here’s an update:

• Hiked Billy Goat A (and a few of the other trails in Great Falls) and survived. Also, had a blast. I love scrambling rocks and hopping around like a billy goat, and even enjoyed the traverse. Side note: more recently at work I’ve designed up some safety signs the aforementioned trail.
• Went on a bit of a photo walk along the National Mall and was able to get some decent shots! I could spend hours contemplating life there. I could (read: have) also spend hours yelling in the direction of Congress for being stupid.
• I had planned on actually going up IN the Washington Monument and knocking that off my list, but a little earthquake in August knocked the Monument around instead, so now it’s closed indefinitely.
• In October I made a trip home for one of my long time best friends wedding, which was fabulous. Also got to make my Texas State Fair pilgrimage that included the mandatory corny dog and deep fried deliciousness.
• One of my amazing friends out here hired me to take her engagement photos. We spent the day in DC taking shots all over the city, had lunch at the Old Ebbitt Grill, saw the Warhol ‘Shadows’ exhibit at the Hirshhorn, and ended the day seeing Dawes at the Black Cat. Definitely one of the most fun days of the fall.
• In early November my work people went biking along the Canal and we stayed in one of the historic lockhouses, which was pretty great. Definitely should have been biking that thing all summer, it was super fun.

And now, some photos:

COUNTDOWN: SHARK WEEK 2011

Mondays with The Man

They're taking over...

it's madness i tell you- madness!

Mondays with The Man

My mom finally shared that big machine with me!

(new (old) sewing machine birthday present finally arrived)

Cherry Blossom Festival 2011

Old Town Alexandria

Old Town is one of the most gorgeous neighborhoods in the DC area. Hometown of George Washington and General Robert E. Lee, it's filled with historic buildings, trendy shops, good food, and the waterfront. These are photos snapped with my iphone from several different recent visits.

Mondays with The Man

Cherry Blossom Festival

The District: A Mini-Bucket List

I first fell in love with the DC area when I was eleven. My parents brought me in the spring of sixth grade to attend my Godfather's wedding. We made a full-on vacation out of it and did all the normal touristy things. I immensely enjoyed visiting the monuments; reading the inscriptions on the wall of the Jefferson, getting chills looking over the tidal basin as the last of the cherry blossoms hung to the trees, and staring up at the stately Lincoln. The eerie, silent power of the Holocaust museum and war memorials, that made recent classroom history lessons sink in. That feeling of wonderment and power standing on the floor of the House of Representatives knowing that THIS EXACT place is where some of our country's biggest (best and worst) decisions are made. Even then, I was in awe of how history, art, power, and culture all came together in this one tiny space. I knew that I needed more time in this place. 

Over the years I have made many trips back, learning more with each visit- about the District and myself. Now, I am a mere sixty-minutes away and have the good fortune of spending much of my free time here. Since my time here is only guaranteed until August, I've decided to make a mini-bucket list for the District, and explore as much as I can during these next few months. Hopefully the coming year will find me with a job and an address within the District, but for now, this will do. I plan to write about each of these items as I cross them off my list (and do some posts about recent completions), so follow along! And if you have suggestions of "must-do" items, please send them on!

In no particular order:

• Nationals Game
• Arlington National Cemetery
• Monticello
• Harper's Ferry
• Carousel at Glen Echo Park
• Washington Monument
• Library of Congress
• Walk around OldTown Alexandria
• National Archives
• Newseum
• National Museum of African Art
• Fourth of July Fireworks
• Bike the C&O Canal
• Food Trucks
• Cherry Blossom Festival
• Hike Billy Goat A
• National Arboretum
• National Zoo
• Breakfast at the Eastern Market
• Politics & Prose
• National Cathedral
• Freer Gallery of Art
• Hirshhorn 
• Corcoran
• Einstein Memorial
• Monument Photo Walk
• Ben's Chili Bowl

Mondays with The Man

A Day with the National Park Service.

THUNDERSNOW.

Tuesday evening Weathermen across the region started the big freakout about the impending doom of SNOW. Me, being the Weatherman skeptic that I am, shrugged off the warnings and planned for a normal work-filled Wednesday and Thursday.


What occurred during the next 48 hrs will forever make me question my hatred and disregard for Weathermen and Weatherwomen everywhere.


THUNDERSNOW.
also known as a winter thunderstorm or a thunder snowstorm, is a rare thunderstorm with snow falling as the primary precipitation instead of rain. thanks wikipedia.


SLEET. and then SNOW. and then more SNOW. and it began to accumulate. and accumulate some more.


Now this may be just a drop in the hat for you experienced SNOW folk, but for me it was EPIC. I also had no idea how to deal with it, so I opted for the ever so brave: hide-inside-and-don’t-leave-for-anything approach. (Did I mention it was 70 degrees in my hometown this week?) Two days of No-Pants Work Party (aka Telework), a snow walk with disappointing polaroids (but other cool photos), digging my car out of a 2’ high snow fort, and a SNOWMAN! Craziest week of the year (so far), and we may be in for a repeat performance on Tuesday! 


I will definitely be paying attention Weathermen- don’t let me down.

snow brush inside car. 2' pile along the back.

Mondays with The Man

Parade

On Sunday I was accidentally in a parade. Again. 
As in, THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. There are no words to explain the absurdity and pure happenstance. Too bad I left the confetti in my other jacket.


WHAT IS MY LIFE?!

Mondays with The Man - Holiday Edition

In Which I Hop a Last Minute Flight to Texas

Twas the day before Thanksgiving and all through the office, 

Not a federal employee was stirring, not even a mouse;

The doors were all shut, lights turned off with care,

In hopes that they would not have to be there;

I was all nestled in my cubicle working hard,

Visions of home dancing in my head, I had to get back, it shouldn't be that hard;

Flights were expensive, I was wrong,

and the drive was too long;

Suddenly my friend arose such a clatter,

and used frequent flyer miles to bring me home for some laughter;

I sprang free from my office and went straight for the airport,

Flew three hours home, which doesn't seem that short;

I arrived on the doorstep at ten-thirty on the dot,

Rang the bell and surprised my parents, they were quite shocked!;

Twas a good trip home,

One for the books;

Glad to see my family and friends,

Happy Holidays to all and to all a goodnight!

Mondays with The Man

Mondays with The Man